Suffering

I have been quiet in the past 2months.

There has been a lot going though inside of me and I truly needed the space to process, understand and embody. I want to share a bit of what’s been on my mind with you.

Fear, keeps coming up for me. It keeps coming, as the only thing holding us back from being happy and at peace.

It gets me every.single.time!!

Animals, trust they will find food and shelter. Trees, trust there will always be the sun and rain to nourish them. Plants, trust also that the bees will keep coming to pollinate them. Humans? humans, don’t trust. We have come to a point, that we don’t even trust ourselves. My heart is squeezing with pain right now writing this.

It is so simple really – all we have to do is let go of fear. So difficult though to do so and trust…

Trust that we will still be loved, accepted and with family & friends around us.

This became really obvious to me this week. Our lack of trust, our fear is what leads us to suffering.

How many half truths did I say or omitted to say out of fear.

How many misunderstandings between partner, family & friends occurred; where I didn’t ask for clarification, I didn’t ask if what I am interpreting, is the right interpretation.

Instead, I have wallowed in pain and loneliness- in fear, in mistrust. Than, because of my suffering, I made the other person suffer. Maybe, because they are not understanding my anger, they are also misunderstanding my intentions, my half truths or omissions are creating the same pattern of suffering I felt at other times. And so, without clear communication and out of fear we keep this cycle of suffering going….till we separate…than we keep that same suffering within us, till some other person comes into our lives and the same issues come up and the same cycle happens.

So much suffering, for such a little thing.